Guess Who's Back...

After metaphysically tearing Dwight Garner limb from limb in my last post, I decided to leave this blog to the history books. Things were nice for a while..I started going out to bars again, stopped dreaming of trolls....had some adventures out in the Far East...

Now, with less than 4 months to go in my India experience, I've decided to resuscitate the greatest expat India blog ever to never break 1000 total views.

What to expect from the new "Of Bombay and B.Doyle?" Well for one thing, I plan to change the name...might change the layout a bit...maybe figure out how to do SEO stuff so I'm not writing futilely into the ever-expanding vacuum of cyber space.

Or maybe I'll just trash talk New York Times' columnists, since that is clearly where my passions lie.

Stay tuned!

Behold! It is I, B.Doyle the Grey, returned from the wilderness as B.Deezy the White!

Dwight Garner: The Pride of West Virginia

The Times' published a whimsical little essay by Dwight Garner this week, supposedly about his soul-searching trip to West-Virginia. Of course Mr. Garner couldn't have just hopped in his car for a good ol' fashioned doobie ride, he had to undergo a "cultural cleanse" on Interstate 79-- and then write about it.

Two things struck me about this essay:

1) The short film clips at the top of the essay -- I'm pretty sure these are just GIFs. I understand why the editors thought a constantly looping five-second shot of a nameless highway would be cool, but I personally think it looks pretty amateurish and a bit choppy. Shoulda gone with a full video, Timesmen.

2) Unless I missed an entire extra page to the essay, the only thing Garner talks about is how much he loves music when he travels. That's cool man, I guess only a lucky few can get paid to write about how "music is ridiculously important to me." You must feel very unique in that regard, Garner...I would've been interested to hear about what you actually "found" on your journey, since the title clearly stated you are "in search of" yourself, but I guess providing any sort of legitimate analysis or fact is anathema to you metaphysically mysterious essayists.

John Denver be not proud of you, Mr. Garner

First off, I acknowledge I'm the fool for clicking on the Times' "Arts" section and expecting to find hardcore analytical arguments. But before this blog turns into a twice-weekly hate letter to the NYTimes, I should explain what boils my bean about essays like Mr. Garner's. All too often, the writers churning out the most self-serious, self-pitying lifestyle essays are also penning mournful dirges about America's income inequality, corporate structure, lack of business ethics, etc. I agree Wall Street's contributions to the economy appear increasingly dubious. However, if you receive an upper-middle-class paycheck every month for doing no actual research or fact-digging, but for just relating anecdotes to your readers that you think prove why America sucks (a la Ta-Nehisi Coates) -- or maybe explaining why I should buy a totally sweet Paul Motian CD (natch Dwight Garner) -- please spare me your opinions on why the economy is no good. Think about how lucky you are that you get paid more then 90% of Americans for writing about whatever makes your heart bleed at the moment, and then reconsider whether you really have the knowledge to critique positions as complex and fact-based as economic policy.

Alright, I think I got all the Times-hate out of my system. My next post will be about how I gave an elephant money on its trunk the other day! Stay tuned.

Apparently "Panic" is "Radiating" From India

...at least according to the New York Times' Jim Yardley. Intercultural conflicts between Muslims and the Bodo tribes of northeast India have led to an "exodus" of Muslims from the region, an issue exacerbated by wild rumors circulating around social media regarding planned attacks on Muslims. The situation is especially dire in the state of Assam, where 78 people have been killed and 300,000 have fled.

The closest I have come to experiencing this crisis myself was last weekend, when an expat acquaintance who was crashing on our couch for the day (for no apparent reason) looked up from his iPhone and said, "Whoa, dude...I think there's, like, some terrorist stuff going on." "Yeah, probably," I replied. "Hey, howza bout you get off our couch and go back to your own apartment?"

He didn't leave -- not then, at least -- and proceeded to read me the lurid details. Turns out the "terrorist stuff" was a riot in Azad Maidan in South Mumbai, which left two dead. The Azad Maidan violence was a response to the violence in Assam -- and police say the chaos was pre-planned.

I've found Mumbai to be a very safe city for the average pedestrian at any time of day (except for the occasional "pariah dog" ruffin' at you). This sort of report reminds me there is still a ton of political and cultural contexts I have to fully understand before forming my ultimate opinions on this country.

On that note...I need to find a more consistent source of India news besides the New York Times and the occasional Business Insider slideshow. Any suggestions? Besides the actual Mumbai newspapers...

The Campaign: India Edition

My most vivid memory of the 2008 election is parading through campus with my freshman year dorm-mates, and a few hundred other wild and crazy library rats, "lettin' loose" to celebrate Obama's victory. That bright-eyed, strictly PG-rated election riot is missed, to be sure. However, my greatest hope for this campaign season is for Mumbai NOT to erupt in any sort of celebration following November's campaign results. After witnessing today's India Independence Day parade/concert, I just don't think I can stomach anymore loud, grainy celebration music or mass gatherings outside my apartment.

That said, I'm excited for the election, and excited to experience all the political drama from a different culture's perspective. From my view, here is what this election season promises:

a) Lots of Facebookers sharing twee photos of Obama interacting with lil' tykes ever-so-smoothly. Seriously, this guy looks so natural with children, I'm starting to question whether it's a good thing. I like my politicians starched-shirt and grim-faced, thank you very much.

Oh gosh he's just so adorable, let's re-elect him!

b) Mitt Romney completely bombing his inevitable Saturday Night Live appearance (seriously, I'm looking forward to the awkwardness...)

and finally...

c) Racks on racks on racks of New York Times' Opinion writers smugly condemning Romney over and over while simply recycling each other's arguments -- or just declaring completely presumptuous conclusions. Am I the only one who was confused by Ta-Nehisi Coates' guest column the other day? You're filling in for Paul Krugman, dude, you can't just make some half-baked analysis of why you used to gorge yourself at "nice dinners" as an explanation for what you claim is the Republican Party's "culture of ignorance."

I of course would like to hear other people's opinions on the election...particularly my former college roommates...come on guys, give me something to argue with here!

India to Jim O'Neill: "Shut up, you're not even my real Dad!"

Maybe it's just because I live with other five other post-college twenty-somethings, but at times this country seems like it's organized with all the care and common sense of a hormonally challenged, demotivated adolescent. So I guess I wasn't surprised that the hardass father of the BRICs, Jim O'Neill of Goldman Sachs, would speak to the country en masse as if he were talking to his loser teenage son.

"The country's huge power blackouts highlight once more the scale of their challenges, and at the same time, ongoing economic indicators lead more to scale back cyclical GDP forecasts. In addition, they are the one BRIC nation that doesn't appear to be here on mass in London. What is the matter with you guys?"

"Dammit, India!" O'Neill went on to say. "You forgot to take out the trash...again...and hell if your gonna sit on your ass all summer while your friends are out playin' sports. Get your shit together, son!"

"Clone High" had Gandhi right all along...

I was also discouraged to see that O'Neill specified India as the BRIC that has disappointed him the most at a recent investor conference. Well, O'Neill, you may not be proud of your son's report card, so to speak, but that poke at the lack of athletic prowess is just a low blow -- just wait till they put cricket in the Olympics! India is still too big and fast-growing to count out...O'Neill knows this...and the computer nerds always get the last laugh anyway. As a proud hanger-on of computer nerds, I hope to be laughing right there with 'em. Either that or getting back to Virginia and kissing that sweet, stable American soil, I haven't really decided yet.

Blackout!!!!

India's country-wide power grid failure has got the doom-sayers coming out in droves. "It's like a day of reckoning coming nearer," said Rajiv Kumar, secretary general of the Federation of Indian Chambers of Commerce and Industry. 

My apartment, along with much of Mumbai, remains blissfully unaffected by the power outages; I guess this is just luck, but I still feel like I'm in a destined little bubble of Western privilege, opining from on high about the poor, power-less (and powerless) masses across the nation. Screw it, I'm gonna opine anyway.

As has been said many times, this disaster was completely predictable. Anyone who's driven along an Indian road for more then two minutes can tell you the infrastructure doesn't exactly inspire faith in Indian engineering. Funny, given the nation's formidable Indian Institutes of Technology and emphasis on STEM studies. 

Yessir, my beloved home-of-the-moment has got a long way to go before I think it could fairly be called 100% "developed." But then again,the U.S. infrastructure is also crumbling, as a result of the summer's extreme weather. Soooo...it's the end of the world?

Can't think of anywhere I'd rather spend the apocalypse.

Guar: The Little Bean That Could

Of all the national policy issues that campus activists continually rallied around during my four years of college, hydrofracking was probably the most incendiary. Perhaps it was because I went to school in central New York...home to layers upon layers of precious, precious shale oil. Oil best obtained by hydrofracking, of course, although there's a slew of water pollution and environmental degradation issues that come with the territory. You can see some of the strong reactions against fracking in the video below, which I helped produce:

I really liked the activists in the videos above. They were chill. But that doesn't mean I'm about to leap behind every "bleeding-heart smellfare" program -- or "save the environment" mumbo jumbo -- they support.

Thus, I'd be interested to see how some Wavy Gravy's react to this recent New York Times' article, which extols the financial benefits of guar bean production for poor northwest Indian farmers. Yeah, guar beans...which are a crucial ingredient in HYDROFRACKING!

Indeed, this lil' guy's price has skyrocketed in the past few months because of energy companies' increasing demand -- and the fact that the bean is in limited supply and only grows in particularly arid, desert-like climates.

And these farmers are making a killing on guar. Says one Sohan Singh, "Now...we have a house made of stone."

iT'S your choice, activists! Save the Indian farmers or save the environment! You can't have both!

But on the real....this is a tricky economic policy issue (not to mention environmental...and social...), and showcases how important it is to have export diversity in an economy. In the guar-producing parts of Rajasthan, the economy depends primarily on agriculture -- a relatively fickle business, especially when the farmers there are not exactly using high-technology, high-yield techniques. It's like relying on the Rain Gods to supply your salary every year.

That doesn't mean I'm not rooting for them; go 'head, Mr. Singh! Milk them energy companies for all their worth!

Drug Makers: "Fuck this, we're going to India."

At my job recently, I've been researching certain pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies investments in emerging markets -- particularly Brazil, India and China -- and hot dog if these companies aren't licking their chops at the opportunities. Pricing pressures in the U.S. and Europe means that drug companies are going to increasingly rely on the exploding middle classes of BRIC countries to drive sales. Spending on drugs are going to double in emerging markets in the next five years, according to the New York Times - now that's a win/win for drug companies and B.Doyle. Oh yea, and for India.

Above: India and pharmaceutical companies, meeting for the first time. 

Needless, I'm going to walk to work with a little extra pep in my step tomorrow. Unless it's monsooning again...in that case I'll tell the rickshaw driver to sing that lil' Hindi diddy extra loud, for ol' B.Doyle. Fuck ya.

Coca-Cola: Fighting the Good Fight

As a follower of business, I'm a fan of Coca-Cola. Have been ever since freshman year of high school, when I wrote my World History final paper on why the invention of Coca-Cola was the most important development in human history.

So of course, I'm happy to hear that Coca-Cola is planning a fairly aggressive expansion of operations in my current homeland, according to the Wall Street Journal.

According to the article, Coca-Cola accounts for 60% of soft drink revenues in India, compared to PepsiCo's 37%. However, in my little slice of Mumbai, I've noticed it is much easier to find Pepsi products -- in particular "Mirinda," a tart little orange soda, and Pepsi itself -- then Coke. I've almost started to miss that classic red logo. And the actual drink. 'Cuz Pepsi blows.

Here's to you, Coca-Cola! Ignore Mayor Bloomberg and his Big Brother-esque soda policies...it's just you and me.

India in the News...That's a First...

The New York Times ran an interesting -- if incomplete -- timeline of India's modern economic history as told through magazine covers from the past 10 years. More accurately framed, this is a history of the mainstream media's coverage of India's booming decade.

Basically, according to this timeline, BusinessWeek first beguiled the general public with tales of a sexy, brown-skinned "vanguard of one of the biggest mind meld's in history," right before Wired warned everyone that these brilliant young computer whizzes were going to take our jobs...then a few more random stories about how great and liberal India was becoming...then a 2007 BusinessWeek piece about how India's horrible infrastructure and overpopulation may stunt growth...and going right up to The Economist's 2010 cover of a swiftly running tiger, representing India's potential outpacing of Chinese economic growth. Mee-yow, Economist!

The piece came on the heels of the Time cover labeling Indian Prime Minister Monmohan Singh "The Underachiever." A far cry from the October 27, 1947 cover of Time where Vishnu made her U.S. debut...or something....

Of all the publications, I have to say that the 2007 BusinessWeek article tells the story the best. That elephant on the cover is a pretty apt metaphor for India's growing pains...that poor, poor elephant. Yes, there is an awesome amount of entrepreneurship, rising education and general brilliance in India, but before they eclipse Silicon Valley they're going to need to fix some potholes. Literally. I can't count how many times I bump my head in the autorickshaw on the way to work.

Peering Over Poverty

Before I came to Mumbai, I knew I would see poverty. I just didn't know it would be shoved in my face so brazenly.

That's a photo my friend took of an impoverished lil' Mumbaikar peeking in our taxi window, begging for a spare rupee. Fortunately, I was warned multiple times as soon as I arrived: don't give money to beggars. The effect is apparently like that South Park episode where Stan Marsh is mobbed by homeless people after he gives a nickel to one vagabond.

The poverty I've seen here mainly manifests itself in the pollution and general lack of hygiene in certain neighborhoods -- adults relieving themselves in the streets, children walking around naked, cardboard shanty towns, etc. And I haven't even visited Dharavi, in northern Mumbai, where leopards from the nearby Sanjay Ghandi National Park apparently 'nom on village children regularly.

Mumbai also has a ton of opulence and "new money" as well, and I still haven't come to terms with my proximity to some truly horrible human living conditions. Will of course keep you all updated on this new-found humanitarianism as it develops. This whole "sympathy" thing is all new to me...

Tha Swiss Connection

On my flight to Mumbai, I had a two hour layover in Switzerland. They were two of the cleanest, most pleasant hours of my life. I indulged in some deliciously nutty authentic Swiss chocolate from an airport vendor, explored the sleek, somewhat Euro-hipster designed airport -- bathroom doors were constructed of polished metal -- and admired the view of the mountains from the airport bay windows. 

The flight over to Mumbai on Swiss Air was equally delightful -- the vegetarian pizza they served was top-notch, and even the seats in the economy-section were roomy and comfortable. 

So landing in Mumbai and stepping off the squeaky-clean Swiss Air jet into a wave of heat and curry smell was not the most desirable contrast.

Above: If I could live on that jet, I would.

Since my all-too-short time in Europe, I have vowed to go back there as soon as feasibly possible and plan a good ol' fashioned EuroTrip. For me, this is actually a fairly big step forward: before this year, I was truthfully baffled whenever someone listed "traveling" as one of their favorite hobbies. But it's amazing what two hours near the Swiss Alps can do to a person's psyche. 

However, before I experience Europe I still have pretty much every landmark in Mumbai alone to visit. Yeah, this past month hasn't quite brought me outside of a ten-mile radius. 

In the meantime, I've been watching this video to get me pumped up about traveling in general. WE NO SPEAK HINDI!

Monsoon Season!

The first time I heard the term "monsoon" was in the 1996 movie "Jumanji." Since then, I have associated monsoons with Robin Williams fighting crocodiles.

So when I learned that Mumbai was host to a four-month long monsoon season every year, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Would my flat be flooded frequently? Would I have to swim to work? Should I pack my heavy-duty crocodile-killin' machete just in case?

As it turns out, flats do get flooded frequently, and yes, getting to work may be impossible once in a while unless I have a canoe. So far the crocodiles don't seem likely, although giant rats are a common sight. Incidentally, however, Mumbai is experiencing a relatively dry monsoon season so far. I couldn't be happier to only have to face two or three short bursts of rain a day, but according to the Wall Street Journal, this is a problem for North Indian farmers who rely on the monsoon rains to help produce crop yields.

If I travel to North India (hopefully soon) then I may be able to get a better appreciation of the largely agricultural-dependent economies of that region. However, right now, it's hard not to be happy that I arrived here conveniently in one of the driest monsoon seasons in years.

Here's to dry monsoon seasons and no crocodiles!

Above: Me, in my living room last week. #mylifeisJumanji

Who the Hell Are The BuffNerds?

While surfing the Internet in January during Winter Break, as I was wont to do, I came upon this little gem of a music video by two intriguing artists, K.i.D. and Futuristic:

 The music was smooth and hip, yet avant-garde. RaP GaME Salvador Dali, if you will.

Since that time, my Youtube feed has provided me a steady stream of "BuffNerds" videos, and my final verdict is that these guys are next to blow. They're whole vibe is total West Coast cool -- the color-drenched videography, the loose rapping style, the names. My personal favorite of the crew is K.i.D., but you can watch this crew video below and decide for yourself.

Just remember: I was the first guy in India to put on for the 'Nerds.

Moody's: India "Stable"

How you like them apples, Standard and Poor? Moody's noted today that the lower growth trends as of late are "unlikely to become permanent or even mid-term features of the Indian economy."

This is of importance to B.Doyle for two reasons:
1) The rupee (and thus, my paycheck) may not be doomed after all, and...
2) These next 11 months in Mumbai may have some economic growth meaning for the ol' career, aside from that intangible "experience" factor.

Of course, I'm not letting my hopes and dreams simply ride on the verdicts of finicky ratings agencies. No, I'm  much more comforted by this Business Insider slideshow explaining "Why Everyone is Freaking Out About India." Madness, illuminated.

Grow, damn you, grow!

Rupee Hits All Time Low...Morale at All Time High...

So the Indian rupee was in a hell of a free fall this week...as of a few hours ago, it hit yet another "all-time low" of 57.12 rupees to the American dollar. That's bad news for the millions of us who get our paychecks in rupees...and ostensibly even more demoralizing for the small minority of us who had the option of working for the good ol' American simoleon.

Thankfully, this unfortunate bit of news is the only annoyance I've had in an otherwise fantastic week. Every fellow worker I've encountered here is young, cosmopolitan, and educated. Case in point: on my team of seven analysts, at least three have MBA's, all are under the age of 30, all are well-paid, and all are extremely articulate on the unique economic and social challenges their country faces on the road to economic stability. Anecdotes may not speak as loud as statistics, but it's still hard to get down about a few inauspicious economic indicators when I see first hand the growth and excitement of business here. 


Worse comes to worse, I'll just start acting in Bollywood movies for some extra cash, maybe do some back-up dancing. I could show the guys below a meannn Harlem Shake...

David Carr: "SMDH at the Huffington Post"

A particularly fatalistic-sounding David Carr penned this trenchant piece for his "Media Equation" column the other day, reporting on a recent launch party for The Huffington Post's tablet-based magazine. The column was chock-full of other media news from the week, such as Time Inc.'s deal to publish their stable of magazines on iPads -- giving Apple a hefty 30% commission in the process. And through it all, Carr -- who has a knack for existential aphorisms -- laments "the future is landing on the past with both boots."

"I've come to understand that it doesn't matter what I think is right or wrong, or what I think constitutes appropriate aggregation or great journalism. The market is as the market does." 

Quite a morose sentiment to be harboring in the midst of all this innovation. If that's the attitude of other Times newsmen, I certainly hope no one circulates CollegeHumor's "Honest New York Times Advertisement" around the office -- it's bound to make a few mustaches droop.

My issue is not with Carr's talent or profession -- as he is a master -- but with his taste. Why is it that creative and "disruptive" forces are so highly-valued in business, but so distrusted by content creators themselves? Old-media acolytes are a lot like "old school" hip-hop fans who refuse to acknowledge that 1994 is never coming back. If you stay listening to "Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)" and dismiss any non-"Golden Age" hip-hop, then you'll never experience the space-age cloud rap of A$AP Rocky. 

In case that metaphor didn't hit home for everyone, let me make my point straight: great things can be done in this new age of media. Innovative, visionary, exciting forms of story-telling not previously thought possible, and yes, even great journalism. There are scores of talented journalists proving this -- take Dealbook wizard Andrew Ross Sorkin. So with the launch of this Huffington Post magazine, I say, welcome the new baby, and quit lamenting the sick great-uncle.

Above: Me, in the background, staring forlornly at Ms. Huffington. One day, Arianna...

Am I Fancy?

My trusted friends at Complex recently introduced me to The Fancy...a sight that allows users to sift through a (seemingly) endless catalogue of tastefully exotic getaways, high-fashion shirts and ties, subtly ironic t-shirts (which are also ironically expensive), sexy-as-hell cars, and minimalist, functional gadgets. Basically, it's like Kanye West's wet dream (literally...he helped popularize it). Like Pinterest, but for the hipster crowd.

My biggest complaint so far is the uninspired "Your catalog" function that lets you look at everything you've "fancied." It's basically a list format...shouldn't there be some tool to make a fascinating hipster collage of everything sartorial and artistic that a user fancies? This aside, I spent a not-insignificant amount of time this morning "fancying" items, and balking at various price tags (the site gives you links to buy most items as well).  Window shopping for beach houses and desert boots at the same damn time? What an age we live in!

"Fuck this, I'm going to India"

When I began applying for jobs in September, just about every day the New York Times was running a bleeding-heart op-ed or sanctimonious report on the general malaise in the job market. That didn't seem to stop the vast majority of my friends from landing cushy jobs in the financial services/engineering/general numbers sectors (go Big Data). As for me...I applied for a Business Analyst position in a very large, very well-regarded conglomerate that would place me in India, and spent the next six months in HR limbo. I finally landed the position in April, right as I was REALLY starting to get anxious.

Below: Me, circa April 3 2012, in between applying for more jobs, studying, and right before I received the coveted "Offer."

The chance to work in Mumbai -- which I only recently discovered was synonymous with Bombay -- sounded pretty damn sexy. Palm trees...Indian women...the excitement and growth of a BRIC economy. I would be an international businessman. Nevermind that I would be working on a salary that would just allow me to scoot by, or that I would technically be an "intern." Or that my assigned department -- Life Sciences -- had very little to do with my background, expertise or even interests. After some deliberation and guidance from older, wiser career men and women, I seized the opportunity and didn't think twice.

From a pragmatic perspective, there were two clear advantages I saw to leaving the country for my first job:

1) International experience is crucial in all areas of business, and will only become more so in coming decades.

2) India -- despite what haters in the S&P say -- is an economic bottle rocket, and the opportunities for growth and entrepreneurship here are unparalleled.

Plus, I figured it'd be a good idea to give the American business waters a bit of time to cool off before dipping my toe in. We'll see if my decision pays off -- personally or professionally. But until then, I'll be sitting in my Mumbai flat with this look on my face: