Guess Who's Back...

After metaphysically tearing Dwight Garner limb from limb in my last post, I decided to leave this blog to the history books. Things were nice for a while..I started going out to bars again, stopped dreaming of trolls....had some adventures out in the Far East...

Now, with less than 4 months to go in my India experience, I've decided to resuscitate the greatest expat India blog ever to never break 1000 total views.

What to expect from the new "Of Bombay and B.Doyle?" Well for one thing, I plan to change the name...might change the layout a bit...maybe figure out how to do SEO stuff so I'm not writing futilely into the ever-expanding vacuum of cyber space.

Or maybe I'll just trash talk New York Times' columnists, since that is clearly where my passions lie.

Stay tuned!

Behold! It is I, B.Doyle the Grey, returned from the wilderness as B.Deezy the White!

Dwight Garner: The Pride of West Virginia

The Times' published a whimsical little essay by Dwight Garner this week, supposedly about his soul-searching trip to West-Virginia. Of course Mr. Garner couldn't have just hopped in his car for a good ol' fashioned doobie ride, he had to undergo a "cultural cleanse" on Interstate 79-- and then write about it.

Two things struck me about this essay:

1) The short film clips at the top of the essay -- I'm pretty sure these are just GIFs. I understand why the editors thought a constantly looping five-second shot of a nameless highway would be cool, but I personally think it looks pretty amateurish and a bit choppy. Shoulda gone with a full video, Timesmen.

2) Unless I missed an entire extra page to the essay, the only thing Garner talks about is how much he loves music when he travels. That's cool man, I guess only a lucky few can get paid to write about how "music is ridiculously important to me." You must feel very unique in that regard, Garner...I would've been interested to hear about what you actually "found" on your journey, since the title clearly stated you are "in search of" yourself, but I guess providing any sort of legitimate analysis or fact is anathema to you metaphysically mysterious essayists.

John Denver be not proud of you, Mr. Garner

First off, I acknowledge I'm the fool for clicking on the Times' "Arts" section and expecting to find hardcore analytical arguments. But before this blog turns into a twice-weekly hate letter to the NYTimes, I should explain what boils my bean about essays like Mr. Garner's. All too often, the writers churning out the most self-serious, self-pitying lifestyle essays are also penning mournful dirges about America's income inequality, corporate structure, lack of business ethics, etc. I agree Wall Street's contributions to the economy appear increasingly dubious. However, if you receive an upper-middle-class paycheck every month for doing no actual research or fact-digging, but for just relating anecdotes to your readers that you think prove why America sucks (a la Ta-Nehisi Coates) -- or maybe explaining why I should buy a totally sweet Paul Motian CD (natch Dwight Garner) -- please spare me your opinions on why the economy is no good. Think about how lucky you are that you get paid more then 90% of Americans for writing about whatever makes your heart bleed at the moment, and then reconsider whether you really have the knowledge to critique positions as complex and fact-based as economic policy.

Alright, I think I got all the Times-hate out of my system. My next post will be about how I gave an elephant money on its trunk the other day! Stay tuned.

Everyone Watch H+...

I think EVERYONE who's ANYONE knows that the classic model of watching television -- waiting around like a chump for the cable channels to feed you your daily dose of content and hope they play your favorite episodes -- is long over. Free web-isodes or die, baby. 

Hence, it's good to see ol' media giant Warner Brothers taking a stab at legitimate web video entertainment with their new Youtube series "H+." Naturally, the show portrays "an apocalyptic future where technology has begun to spiral out of control." I was decently intrigued by a perusal of the first episode -- it's like The Jetsons meets Blade Runner. Minus The Jetsons.

Next 'Jetsons' -- Rosie the Robot totally freaks out.

I'm struggling to connect this post to India in some way...I donno, just watch the video and support Warner Brothers as they play the role of plucky Web upstart. 

Apparently "Panic" is "Radiating" From India

...at least according to the New York Times' Jim Yardley. Intercultural conflicts between Muslims and the Bodo tribes of northeast India have led to an "exodus" of Muslims from the region, an issue exacerbated by wild rumors circulating around social media regarding planned attacks on Muslims. The situation is especially dire in the state of Assam, where 78 people have been killed and 300,000 have fled.

The closest I have come to experiencing this crisis myself was last weekend, when an expat acquaintance who was crashing on our couch for the day (for no apparent reason) looked up from his iPhone and said, "Whoa, dude...I think there's, like, some terrorist stuff going on." "Yeah, probably," I replied. "Hey, howza bout you get off our couch and go back to your own apartment?"

He didn't leave -- not then, at least -- and proceeded to read me the lurid details. Turns out the "terrorist stuff" was a riot in Azad Maidan in South Mumbai, which left two dead. The Azad Maidan violence was a response to the violence in Assam -- and police say the chaos was pre-planned.

I've found Mumbai to be a very safe city for the average pedestrian at any time of day (except for the occasional "pariah dog" ruffin' at you). This sort of report reminds me there is still a ton of political and cultural contexts I have to fully understand before forming my ultimate opinions on this country.

On that note...I need to find a more consistent source of India news besides the New York Times and the occasional Business Insider slideshow. Any suggestions? Besides the actual Mumbai newspapers...

The Campaign: India Edition

My most vivid memory of the 2008 election is parading through campus with my freshman year dorm-mates, and a few hundred other wild and crazy library rats, "lettin' loose" to celebrate Obama's victory. That bright-eyed, strictly PG-rated election riot is missed, to be sure. However, my greatest hope for this campaign season is for Mumbai NOT to erupt in any sort of celebration following November's campaign results. After witnessing today's India Independence Day parade/concert, I just don't think I can stomach anymore loud, grainy celebration music or mass gatherings outside my apartment.

That said, I'm excited for the election, and excited to experience all the political drama from a different culture's perspective. From my view, here is what this election season promises:

a) Lots of Facebookers sharing twee photos of Obama interacting with lil' tykes ever-so-smoothly. Seriously, this guy looks so natural with children, I'm starting to question whether it's a good thing. I like my politicians starched-shirt and grim-faced, thank you very much.

Oh gosh he's just so adorable, let's re-elect him!

b) Mitt Romney completely bombing his inevitable Saturday Night Live appearance (seriously, I'm looking forward to the awkwardness...)

and finally...

c) Racks on racks on racks of New York Times' Opinion writers smugly condemning Romney over and over while simply recycling each other's arguments -- or just declaring completely presumptuous conclusions. Am I the only one who was confused by Ta-Nehisi Coates' guest column the other day? You're filling in for Paul Krugman, dude, you can't just make some half-baked analysis of why you used to gorge yourself at "nice dinners" as an explanation for what you claim is the Republican Party's "culture of ignorance."

I of course would like to hear other people's opinions on the election...particularly my former college roommates...come on guys, give me something to argue with here!

Such a Beautiful Creature, the Feral Dog...

No matter how many times the travel nurses told me to "expect wild animals," I still wasn't fully prepared for the packs on packs on packs of stray dogs roaming the Mumbai streets. I have had a few dubious experiences with dogs, so I'm generally weary of any pup without a leash. However, my roommates were quick to dissuade my worries, noting "They never do anything. Just don't pet them..."

Indeed, the dozen or so doggies I pass on a given street block here all seem focused on finding the next heap of trash to procure their daily 'noms, and pay little attention to the general insanity of India day-to-day traffic and street life. I eventually grew accustomed to the constant canine presence -- until now.

The New York Times ran an article today on India's street dogs, and once again, I am given reason to never ever trust my roommate's advice on anything ever. According to The Times, 80,000 people were bitten in Mumbai alone last year...and 20,000 people die every year in India from rabies infections, the vast majority of which are dog-inflicted. 

I had thought rabies was a 28 Days Later sort of deal, where those bitten run around biting other people until you stick them with the antidote...a quick Google search proved me wrong, as well as leading me to more then a few grim lil' Web MDs who classify rabies as "inevitably fatal." Well then.

Oh yeah, and these ain't wild pugs roaming the streets...these are "Indian pariah dogs," which The Times describes as "similar in appearance to other prehistoric dogs like the Australian dingo." 

Now granted, 80,000 bites in one year means that about 0.6% of the Mumbai population gets bitten. And maybe the government's most recent plan to spray the dogs with ink to take poll of their ranks will help the situation...or it could just result in a bunch of ink-covered, pissed-off dogs. That Indian government is a wonder, isn't it?

If only this is what we were dealing with here...

India to Jim O'Neill: "Shut up, you're not even my real Dad!"

Maybe it's just because I live with other five other post-college twenty-somethings, but at times this country seems like it's organized with all the care and common sense of a hormonally challenged, demotivated adolescent. So I guess I wasn't surprised that the hardass father of the BRICs, Jim O'Neill of Goldman Sachs, would speak to the country en masse as if he were talking to his loser teenage son.

"The country's huge power blackouts highlight once more the scale of their challenges, and at the same time, ongoing economic indicators lead more to scale back cyclical GDP forecasts. In addition, they are the one BRIC nation that doesn't appear to be here on mass in London. What is the matter with you guys?"

"Dammit, India!" O'Neill went on to say. "You forgot to take out the trash...again...and hell if your gonna sit on your ass all summer while your friends are out playin' sports. Get your shit together, son!"

"Clone High" had Gandhi right all along...

I was also discouraged to see that O'Neill specified India as the BRIC that has disappointed him the most at a recent investor conference. Well, O'Neill, you may not be proud of your son's report card, so to speak, but that poke at the lack of athletic prowess is just a low blow -- just wait till they put cricket in the Olympics! India is still too big and fast-growing to count out...O'Neill knows this...and the computer nerds always get the last laugh anyway. As a proud hanger-on of computer nerds, I hope to be laughing right there with 'em. Either that or getting back to Virginia and kissing that sweet, stable American soil, I haven't really decided yet.

Blackout!!!!

India's country-wide power grid failure has got the doom-sayers coming out in droves. "It's like a day of reckoning coming nearer," said Rajiv Kumar, secretary general of the Federation of Indian Chambers of Commerce and Industry. 

My apartment, along with much of Mumbai, remains blissfully unaffected by the power outages; I guess this is just luck, but I still feel like I'm in a destined little bubble of Western privilege, opining from on high about the poor, power-less (and powerless) masses across the nation. Screw it, I'm gonna opine anyway.

As has been said many times, this disaster was completely predictable. Anyone who's driven along an Indian road for more then two minutes can tell you the infrastructure doesn't exactly inspire faith in Indian engineering. Funny, given the nation's formidable Indian Institutes of Technology and emphasis on STEM studies. 

Yessir, my beloved home-of-the-moment has got a long way to go before I think it could fairly be called 100% "developed." But then again,the U.S. infrastructure is also crumbling, as a result of the summer's extreme weather. Soooo...it's the end of the world?

Can't think of anywhere I'd rather spend the apocalypse.

"The Dark Knight Rises" is Visual Dank Chronic

Some friends and I saw "The Dark Knight Rises" last night. That sh** is tightttttttttttt. Even with its grim, post-9/11 vision of NYC/Gotham, the movie still made me miss the good ol' US of A.

All we have over here is "Punjabi Batman"

After the negative experience at "The Amazing Spiderman," we opted for the regular screen over iMax -- even though Manohla Dargis' New York Times review insisted that iMax is "the way to see the film." Well, an Indian "regular" screen is pretty darn big as it turns out, so sucks to your suggestion, Ms. Dargis.

The movie also gave me my own visions of big screen glory -- a dream that is conveniently easy to manifest here in Mumbai, where a number of my associates and roommates are already "acting" (re: appearing in the background) of major Bollywood films and commercials. The pay is also not too shabby, considering your usually just asked to dance around or stare at the protagonist in awe...half-a-days work can net you a few thousand dollars rupees.

Now that's some free enterprise that even Bane could support!

Indian 1% Put the American 1% to Shame

Last weekend, driving through South Bombay after dinner, one of my friends pointed out the 27-story personal tower of Mukesh Ambani. He noted that the tower's amenities included several floors serving as car showrooms, and a massive ice skating rink serving as another floor. I think I may have muttered something then about "wasteful" or "insensitive," but what I meant to say was "Boss-status!" and then pretend I'm shooting a basketball, the international sign for "ballin'."

Because if there's one thing this country appreciates, it's tasteful moderation.

Of course, this is Mumbai, so right outside the tower there were decaying storefronts and a few beggars wandering around. Even in the relatively posh South Bombay, I took the little trappings of destitution to be par for the course. 

I was thus happy to see a fairly thoughtful breakdown of why India's nicest neighborhoods are, like, not really that nice in the Wall Street Journal today. Hint: It's not because the rich aren't rich enough. 

"The contrast between the popping champagne corks inside and the filth outside is striking. Again, the simple economics of incentives explains why. Many of the wealthy diners who frequent these establishments pull right up to the entrance, and so don't need to worry about the filth outside," writes Rupa Subramanya, referring to upscale restaurants in midtown Mumbai located in shoddy neighborhoods.

Basically, Subramanya contends that Mumbai's rich have no emotional stake in their neighborhoods, since it doesn't cost much to hire a 24/7 driver and roll through the fecal-filled streets in a tinted-window Escalade, sipping mineral water and breathing circulated air imported from the Himalayas. She argues that the Indian aristocrats take care of the public services that matter to them -- electricity, for instance -- and as long as the infrastructural absurdities of the outside world don't impede on their personal space, they feel no civic duty to demand improvements. Even if their "personal space" happens to be a 27-story mega-apartment.

Fair enough -- but I still don't think the article gets to the core of why Mumbai's wealthy don't demand infrastructural and design improvements to their neighborhoods at large. As Subramanya herself points out, in places like the U.S., there is a clear relationship between real estate quality and the quality of the surrounding sidewalks, parks, public schools, etc. If you were to build a mansion in the middle of the Bronx, for instance, you'd of course be hard-pressed to make a profit, because the poor quality of the surrounding houses and public services directly affects the value of the house. Expensive houses are in expensive neighborhoods, ipso facto.

In India, I would be very curious to see how "neighborhood quality" affects house valuation. The wealthy are of course "clustered" here as in other places -- it's not like you'll find a personal showroom in the middle of Dharavi. But still, if I built a 27-story tower for myself, I'd want to make damn sure my neighborhood is pristine, classy and ideally not near any shanty-towns. I don't know if it's a lack of civic duty, or if its just impossible to distance yourself from the poverty here, but I'd certainly like to find out.

On that note, any Indian billionaires want to hang out this weekend?

Drug Makers: "Fuck this, we're going to India."

At my job recently, I've been researching certain pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies investments in emerging markets -- particularly Brazil, India and China -- and hot dog if these companies aren't licking their chops at the opportunities. Pricing pressures in the U.S. and Europe means that drug companies are going to increasingly rely on the exploding middle classes of BRIC countries to drive sales. Spending on drugs are going to double in emerging markets in the next five years, according to the New York Times - now that's a win/win for drug companies and B.Doyle. Oh yea, and for India.

Above: India and pharmaceutical companies, meeting for the first time. 

Needless, I'm going to walk to work with a little extra pep in my step tomorrow. Unless it's monsooning again...in that case I'll tell the rickshaw driver to sing that lil' Hindi diddy extra loud, for ol' B.Doyle. Fuck ya.