Dwight Garner: The Pride of West Virginia

The Times' published a whimsical little essay by Dwight Garner this week, supposedly about his soul-searching trip to West-Virginia. Of course Mr. Garner couldn't have just hopped in his car for a good ol' fashioned doobie ride, he had to undergo a "cultural cleanse" on Interstate 79-- and then write about it.

Two things struck me about this essay:

1) The short film clips at the top of the essay -- I'm pretty sure these are just GIFs. I understand why the editors thought a constantly looping five-second shot of a nameless highway would be cool, but I personally think it looks pretty amateurish and a bit choppy. Shoulda gone with a full video, Timesmen.

2) Unless I missed an entire extra page to the essay, the only thing Garner talks about is how much he loves music when he travels. That's cool man, I guess only a lucky few can get paid to write about how "music is ridiculously important to me." You must feel very unique in that regard, Garner...I would've been interested to hear about what you actually "found" on your journey, since the title clearly stated you are "in search of" yourself, but I guess providing any sort of legitimate analysis or fact is anathema to you metaphysically mysterious essayists.

John Denver be not proud of you, Mr. Garner

First off, I acknowledge I'm the fool for clicking on the Times' "Arts" section and expecting to find hardcore analytical arguments. But before this blog turns into a twice-weekly hate letter to the NYTimes, I should explain what boils my bean about essays like Mr. Garner's. All too often, the writers churning out the most self-serious, self-pitying lifestyle essays are also penning mournful dirges about America's income inequality, corporate structure, lack of business ethics, etc. I agree Wall Street's contributions to the economy appear increasingly dubious. However, if you receive an upper-middle-class paycheck every month for doing no actual research or fact-digging, but for just relating anecdotes to your readers that you think prove why America sucks (a la Ta-Nehisi Coates) -- or maybe explaining why I should buy a totally sweet Paul Motian CD (natch Dwight Garner) -- please spare me your opinions on why the economy is no good. Think about how lucky you are that you get paid more then 90% of Americans for writing about whatever makes your heart bleed at the moment, and then reconsider whether you really have the knowledge to critique positions as complex and fact-based as economic policy.

Alright, I think I got all the Times-hate out of my system. My next post will be about how I gave an elephant money on its trunk the other day! Stay tuned.

Everyone Watch H+...

I think EVERYONE who's ANYONE knows that the classic model of watching television -- waiting around like a chump for the cable channels to feed you your daily dose of content and hope they play your favorite episodes -- is long over. Free web-isodes or die, baby. 

Hence, it's good to see ol' media giant Warner Brothers taking a stab at legitimate web video entertainment with their new Youtube series "H+." Naturally, the show portrays "an apocalyptic future where technology has begun to spiral out of control." I was decently intrigued by a perusal of the first episode -- it's like The Jetsons meets Blade Runner. Minus The Jetsons.

Next 'Jetsons' -- Rosie the Robot totally freaks out.

I'm struggling to connect this post to India in some way...I donno, just watch the video and support Warner Brothers as they play the role of plucky Web upstart. 

Apparently "Panic" is "Radiating" From India

...at least according to the New York Times' Jim Yardley. Intercultural conflicts between Muslims and the Bodo tribes of northeast India have led to an "exodus" of Muslims from the region, an issue exacerbated by wild rumors circulating around social media regarding planned attacks on Muslims. The situation is especially dire in the state of Assam, where 78 people have been killed and 300,000 have fled.

The closest I have come to experiencing this crisis myself was last weekend, when an expat acquaintance who was crashing on our couch for the day (for no apparent reason) looked up from his iPhone and said, "Whoa, dude...I think there's, like, some terrorist stuff going on." "Yeah, probably," I replied. "Hey, howza bout you get off our couch and go back to your own apartment?"

He didn't leave -- not then, at least -- and proceeded to read me the lurid details. Turns out the "terrorist stuff" was a riot in Azad Maidan in South Mumbai, which left two dead. The Azad Maidan violence was a response to the violence in Assam -- and police say the chaos was pre-planned.

I've found Mumbai to be a very safe city for the average pedestrian at any time of day (except for the occasional "pariah dog" ruffin' at you). This sort of report reminds me there is still a ton of political and cultural contexts I have to fully understand before forming my ultimate opinions on this country.

On that note...I need to find a more consistent source of India news besides the New York Times and the occasional Business Insider slideshow. Any suggestions? Besides the actual Mumbai newspapers...

The Campaign: India Edition

My most vivid memory of the 2008 election is parading through campus with my freshman year dorm-mates, and a few hundred other wild and crazy library rats, "lettin' loose" to celebrate Obama's victory. That bright-eyed, strictly PG-rated election riot is missed, to be sure. However, my greatest hope for this campaign season is for Mumbai NOT to erupt in any sort of celebration following November's campaign results. After witnessing today's India Independence Day parade/concert, I just don't think I can stomach anymore loud, grainy celebration music or mass gatherings outside my apartment.

That said, I'm excited for the election, and excited to experience all the political drama from a different culture's perspective. From my view, here is what this election season promises:

a) Lots of Facebookers sharing twee photos of Obama interacting with lil' tykes ever-so-smoothly. Seriously, this guy looks so natural with children, I'm starting to question whether it's a good thing. I like my politicians starched-shirt and grim-faced, thank you very much.

Oh gosh he's just so adorable, let's re-elect him!

b) Mitt Romney completely bombing his inevitable Saturday Night Live appearance (seriously, I'm looking forward to the awkwardness...)

and finally...

c) Racks on racks on racks of New York Times' Opinion writers smugly condemning Romney over and over while simply recycling each other's arguments -- or just declaring completely presumptuous conclusions. Am I the only one who was confused by Ta-Nehisi Coates' guest column the other day? You're filling in for Paul Krugman, dude, you can't just make some half-baked analysis of why you used to gorge yourself at "nice dinners" as an explanation for what you claim is the Republican Party's "culture of ignorance."

I of course would like to hear other people's opinions on the election...particularly my former college roommates...come on guys, give me something to argue with here!

How do you say "Showtime Lakers" in Hindi?

The only time I've really gotten into basketball the past few years is during playoff seasons...the rest of the time, I generally check up on box scores a few times a month, tops, and otherwise ignore my once beloved NBA. But there's something about graduating college and moving to a foreign land that has left me searching for outlets of Americanism. Thus, I think it's fate that the Lakers -- a team I was once so obsessed with that I baked Kobe Bryant a birthday cake -- have made a few key off-season moves and are suddenly the most badazz team in the League. 

Most badazz...and classiest!

I was raving about the Dwight Howard pick-up this morning to my roommates, before stopping mid-sentence: "You guys don't watch basketball, do you?" Guess it's ironic that my sudden rejuvenation of basketball fan-dom intersects the exact moment I decide to move to a country where the weird kids watch basketball and the cool kids play cricket. Whatev. 

The plan at this point is to turn one of my roommates into a Celtics fan, then slowly degrade his ego at the season goes on. Will keep you all updated on this pet project.

Such a Beautiful Creature, the Feral Dog...

No matter how many times the travel nurses told me to "expect wild animals," I still wasn't fully prepared for the packs on packs on packs of stray dogs roaming the Mumbai streets. I have had a few dubious experiences with dogs, so I'm generally weary of any pup without a leash. However, my roommates were quick to dissuade my worries, noting "They never do anything. Just don't pet them..."

Indeed, the dozen or so doggies I pass on a given street block here all seem focused on finding the next heap of trash to procure their daily 'noms, and pay little attention to the general insanity of India day-to-day traffic and street life. I eventually grew accustomed to the constant canine presence -- until now.

The New York Times ran an article today on India's street dogs, and once again, I am given reason to never ever trust my roommate's advice on anything ever. According to The Times, 80,000 people were bitten in Mumbai alone last year...and 20,000 people die every year in India from rabies infections, the vast majority of which are dog-inflicted. 

I had thought rabies was a 28 Days Later sort of deal, where those bitten run around biting other people until you stick them with the antidote...a quick Google search proved me wrong, as well as leading me to more then a few grim lil' Web MDs who classify rabies as "inevitably fatal." Well then.

Oh yeah, and these ain't wild pugs roaming the streets...these are "Indian pariah dogs," which The Times describes as "similar in appearance to other prehistoric dogs like the Australian dingo." 

Now granted, 80,000 bites in one year means that about 0.6% of the Mumbai population gets bitten. And maybe the government's most recent plan to spray the dogs with ink to take poll of their ranks will help the situation...or it could just result in a bunch of ink-covered, pissed-off dogs. That Indian government is a wonder, isn't it?

If only this is what we were dealing with here...

Christopher Hitchens: Destroying Indian Bloggers from Beyond the Grave

I always gag a bit whenever I read some fawning New York Times elegy on a  literary figure they deem to be "indispensable"...like their recent obituary on Gore Vidal. Unfortunate, because I'm sure I'd love Mr. Vidal's work as countless other have, but I always feel like with each successive death of a "last of a breed," as the Grey Lady termed Vidal, the grizzled Times' newsmen are really lamenting the death of their industry.

Despite my aversion to self-serious, self-destructive essayists, I still surprised myself by how long I held out on reading any Christopher Hitchens. Must've been a particularly lachrymose Times' obituary, that one. Regardless, I was happy to find a 1997 Vanity Fair essay of his, "There'll Always Be an India," which comments on pretty much everything, say, a blog on India could cover...only in essay form!

Among other epic declarations in the piece, Hitchens notes: "Land of Contrasts. I challenge you to show me the Indian guidebook or travel piece that does not resort to this dismal cliche."

Well...uhhh...there goes the subject of my next post...

Ooohhh you're just so erudite and witty, aren't you...

Hitchens also explains why Coca-Cola's relationship with India is even more complicated then I thought -- turns out the Indian government demanded the secret Coke formula in the late 1970s. Coca-Cola "denounced India as a basket case" and stopped doing business in the country until the 1990s.

I highly suggest reading this piece, for more then just the pithy asides -- he packs in a lot of info, and a lot of reporting. Not bad for a guy who was probably wasted when he wrote it. 

India to Jim O'Neill: "Shut up, you're not even my real Dad!"

Maybe it's just because I live with other five other post-college twenty-somethings, but at times this country seems like it's organized with all the care and common sense of a hormonally challenged, demotivated adolescent. So I guess I wasn't surprised that the hardass father of the BRICs, Jim O'Neill of Goldman Sachs, would speak to the country en masse as if he were talking to his loser teenage son.

"The country's huge power blackouts highlight once more the scale of their challenges, and at the same time, ongoing economic indicators lead more to scale back cyclical GDP forecasts. In addition, they are the one BRIC nation that doesn't appear to be here on mass in London. What is the matter with you guys?"

"Dammit, India!" O'Neill went on to say. "You forgot to take out the trash...again...and hell if your gonna sit on your ass all summer while your friends are out playin' sports. Get your shit together, son!"

"Clone High" had Gandhi right all along...

I was also discouraged to see that O'Neill specified India as the BRIC that has disappointed him the most at a recent investor conference. Well, O'Neill, you may not be proud of your son's report card, so to speak, but that poke at the lack of athletic prowess is just a low blow -- just wait till they put cricket in the Olympics! India is still too big and fast-growing to count out...O'Neill knows this...and the computer nerds always get the last laugh anyway. As a proud hanger-on of computer nerds, I hope to be laughing right there with 'em. Either that or getting back to Virginia and kissing that sweet, stable American soil, I haven't really decided yet.

Blackout!!!!

India's country-wide power grid failure has got the doom-sayers coming out in droves. "It's like a day of reckoning coming nearer," said Rajiv Kumar, secretary general of the Federation of Indian Chambers of Commerce and Industry. 

My apartment, along with much of Mumbai, remains blissfully unaffected by the power outages; I guess this is just luck, but I still feel like I'm in a destined little bubble of Western privilege, opining from on high about the poor, power-less (and powerless) masses across the nation. Screw it, I'm gonna opine anyway.

As has been said many times, this disaster was completely predictable. Anyone who's driven along an Indian road for more then two minutes can tell you the infrastructure doesn't exactly inspire faith in Indian engineering. Funny, given the nation's formidable Indian Institutes of Technology and emphasis on STEM studies. 

Yessir, my beloved home-of-the-moment has got a long way to go before I think it could fairly be called 100% "developed." But then again,the U.S. infrastructure is also crumbling, as a result of the summer's extreme weather. Soooo...it's the end of the world?

Can't think of anywhere I'd rather spend the apocalypse.

Don't Hurt 'Em, ScHoolboy Q

A while back I labeled The Buff Nerds crew as possibly the hippest up-and-comers out of the West Coast. I stand by my original sentiment, but if/when the 'Nerds blow up, they're going to have to compete with the Black Hippies out of Los Angeles...undeniably the reigning Kings of the West, and still on the come-up themselves.Case in point: ScHoolboy Q's new video, which is the chillest thing I've seen or heard all summer.

Besides his sick music, another reason I love Q is his use of the "capital H" aesthetic. I don't know when rappers started to love capitalizing -- or not capitalizing -- certain letters in their names as part of their swag, but I think Kid Cudi -- or KiD CuDi -- is a big reason behind it. Now we've got RiFF RaFF with all lowercase vowels in his name and music video titles, as well as ScHoolboy with his "H's." I've been thinking of changing my electronic signature to b.dOylE...thoughts?

Olympics in India

Friday night's Olympics opening ceremony happened to coincide with a bout of food poisoning -- or whatever the hell makes you nauseous for 48 hours straight without actually throwing up. I haven't missed an opening ceremony since 1992 -- e.g. before I was conscious of the "Olympics" -- so I tried my best to stay awake, but at 12:30 a.m. nothing remotely opening ceremony-esque was showing up on the live feed, so I left my crowd of multicultural comrades in the living room and schlepped to bed. Around 5 a.m, my roommate opened the bedroom door, plopped down on his floor mattress and fell asleep. Apparently blinding hallway light and unmistakable party sounds from the living room don't bother sleeping East Africans, but I -- with my high-and-mighty bed frame and Western standards -- was immediately jarred awake.

This whole post might be a passive-aggressive jab at my roommate, were it not for the fact that his eccentric sleeping habits allowed me to hear the unmistakable sounds of the Olympic opening ceremony from the living room. Thanks, bro!

So, with a twinkle in my eye and the spirit of the Games in my heart, I skipped down the hallway and found a pack of roommates, friends and associates watching the London march of athletes on a moderately-sized computer screen. I squeezed in between one roommate from Peru and another associate from Egypt on the couch, and commenced the gossiping and screen-shouting.

Watching the opening ceremony certainly made me proud to be American, particularly when comparing team strengths and weaknesses with my internationally diverse array of  comrades. "Oh, how many athletes does Serbia have this year? 115? Ya, America has 529, soooo....y'knowwwww..."

Really though, I was pretty lucky to be able to watch an Olympics ceremony with an incredibly diverse crew. Hearing other country's takes on the Games was interesting to say the least. Among other conclusions, I've deduced that pretty much the only time anyone in the world watches swimming is during the Olympics.

Now if I can just get my roommates to watch some Team USA basketball with me, I can really get an ego boost...

Go forth, grand athletes! Make America proud!

Back off, Carina Chocano!

About a week ago, Carina Chocano -- a "self-employed" sort of "freelance writer," if her LinkedIn is to be believed -- wrote a tad-too-touchy piece in the New York Times about Pinterest, Tumblr, and general user-generated content aggregation websites. Only she calls these websites "longing machines," and concludes with an ever-so-melancholy note that the sites define "the life we think we were meant to have but don’t, the people we think we should be but aren’t."

By extension of Chocano's theory, my time spent curating on "The Fancy" is a fruitless pathological pursuit to fool myself into thinking I'm a man of "taste" and "style."

Pshawww...act like you have this kind of taste, Carina.

Personally, I think Carina's essay is about as valid as any journalist cum philosopher can churn out when applying analytical skills learned in their college comparative literature classes to modern technology. RE: It's all wish-wash. Because you're right, Ms. Carina: "People don’t post stuff because they wish they owned it, but because they think they are it, and they long to be understood..." Sounds kind of like the supposedly intellectually untouchable Jonathan Franzen telling the Kenyon College Class of 2011 that the "telos of techne is to replace a natural world that’s indifferent to our wishes ... with a world so responsive to our wishes as to be, effectively, a mere extension of the self." Thanks for the advice, J. Franz! I'll be sure to avoid modern technology from now on!

Sure, people use online profiles -- even Pinterest portfolios consisting entirely of images -- to define how they want to be viewed by the world. But I think anyone who has ever viewed a Facebook profile filled with "deep" quotations and ostentatiously heart-felt status updates can see that these profiles act as more then just, y'know, profiles -- their an outlet for self-expression, self-realization and social understanding. So Ms. Chocano, I'm here to tell you: your behind the times, but not in your use of technology. Your antiquated in your realization that technology is deeply entwined with people's emotions and understanding of themselves. Heck, David Foster Wallace hit on the soul-churning isolating effect of technology in his 2005 Kenyon Commencement address. (On another note: those Kenyon College grads must really be a happy bunch...)

Basically, I find these overly-intellectual technology pieces at once embarrassing (for the writer) and confusing. What exactly does Carina want me to do, once I acknowledge that my "Fancy" portfolio is a web of self-deceit? Stop looking at "Vans California Era Washed Paisley" and "Cheesecake-stuffed strawberries?" Cuz if that's what you think I'll do, Ms. Chocano, then you don't know B.Doyle...

Damn those are sexy...

"The Dark Knight Rises" is Visual Dank Chronic

Some friends and I saw "The Dark Knight Rises" last night. That sh** is tightttttttttttt. Even with its grim, post-9/11 vision of NYC/Gotham, the movie still made me miss the good ol' US of A.

All we have over here is "Punjabi Batman"

After the negative experience at "The Amazing Spiderman," we opted for the regular screen over iMax -- even though Manohla Dargis' New York Times review insisted that iMax is "the way to see the film." Well, an Indian "regular" screen is pretty darn big as it turns out, so sucks to your suggestion, Ms. Dargis.

The movie also gave me my own visions of big screen glory -- a dream that is conveniently easy to manifest here in Mumbai, where a number of my associates and roommates are already "acting" (re: appearing in the background) of major Bollywood films and commercials. The pay is also not too shabby, considering your usually just asked to dance around or stare at the protagonist in awe...half-a-days work can net you a few thousand dollars rupees.

Now that's some free enterprise that even Bane could support!

Indian 1% Put the American 1% to Shame

Last weekend, driving through South Bombay after dinner, one of my friends pointed out the 27-story personal tower of Mukesh Ambani. He noted that the tower's amenities included several floors serving as car showrooms, and a massive ice skating rink serving as another floor. I think I may have muttered something then about "wasteful" or "insensitive," but what I meant to say was "Boss-status!" and then pretend I'm shooting a basketball, the international sign for "ballin'."

Because if there's one thing this country appreciates, it's tasteful moderation.

Of course, this is Mumbai, so right outside the tower there were decaying storefronts and a few beggars wandering around. Even in the relatively posh South Bombay, I took the little trappings of destitution to be par for the course. 

I was thus happy to see a fairly thoughtful breakdown of why India's nicest neighborhoods are, like, not really that nice in the Wall Street Journal today. Hint: It's not because the rich aren't rich enough. 

"The contrast between the popping champagne corks inside and the filth outside is striking. Again, the simple economics of incentives explains why. Many of the wealthy diners who frequent these establishments pull right up to the entrance, and so don't need to worry about the filth outside," writes Rupa Subramanya, referring to upscale restaurants in midtown Mumbai located in shoddy neighborhoods.

Basically, Subramanya contends that Mumbai's rich have no emotional stake in their neighborhoods, since it doesn't cost much to hire a 24/7 driver and roll through the fecal-filled streets in a tinted-window Escalade, sipping mineral water and breathing circulated air imported from the Himalayas. She argues that the Indian aristocrats take care of the public services that matter to them -- electricity, for instance -- and as long as the infrastructural absurdities of the outside world don't impede on their personal space, they feel no civic duty to demand improvements. Even if their "personal space" happens to be a 27-story mega-apartment.

Fair enough -- but I still don't think the article gets to the core of why Mumbai's wealthy don't demand infrastructural and design improvements to their neighborhoods at large. As Subramanya herself points out, in places like the U.S., there is a clear relationship between real estate quality and the quality of the surrounding sidewalks, parks, public schools, etc. If you were to build a mansion in the middle of the Bronx, for instance, you'd of course be hard-pressed to make a profit, because the poor quality of the surrounding houses and public services directly affects the value of the house. Expensive houses are in expensive neighborhoods, ipso facto.

In India, I would be very curious to see how "neighborhood quality" affects house valuation. The wealthy are of course "clustered" here as in other places -- it's not like you'll find a personal showroom in the middle of Dharavi. But still, if I built a 27-story tower for myself, I'd want to make damn sure my neighborhood is pristine, classy and ideally not near any shanty-towns. I don't know if it's a lack of civic duty, or if its just impossible to distance yourself from the poverty here, but I'd certainly like to find out.

On that note, any Indian billionaires want to hang out this weekend?

Guar: The Little Bean That Could

Of all the national policy issues that campus activists continually rallied around during my four years of college, hydrofracking was probably the most incendiary. Perhaps it was because I went to school in central New York...home to layers upon layers of precious, precious shale oil. Oil best obtained by hydrofracking, of course, although there's a slew of water pollution and environmental degradation issues that come with the territory. You can see some of the strong reactions against fracking in the video below, which I helped produce:

I really liked the activists in the videos above. They were chill. But that doesn't mean I'm about to leap behind every "bleeding-heart smellfare" program -- or "save the environment" mumbo jumbo -- they support.

Thus, I'd be interested to see how some Wavy Gravy's react to this recent New York Times' article, which extols the financial benefits of guar bean production for poor northwest Indian farmers. Yeah, guar beans...which are a crucial ingredient in HYDROFRACKING!

Indeed, this lil' guy's price has skyrocketed in the past few months because of energy companies' increasing demand -- and the fact that the bean is in limited supply and only grows in particularly arid, desert-like climates.

And these farmers are making a killing on guar. Says one Sohan Singh, "Now...we have a house made of stone."

iT'S your choice, activists! Save the Indian farmers or save the environment! You can't have both!

But on the real....this is a tricky economic policy issue (not to mention environmental...and social...), and showcases how important it is to have export diversity in an economy. In the guar-producing parts of Rajasthan, the economy depends primarily on agriculture -- a relatively fickle business, especially when the farmers there are not exactly using high-technology, high-yield techniques. It's like relying on the Rain Gods to supply your salary every year.

That doesn't mean I'm not rooting for them; go 'head, Mr. Singh! Milk them energy companies for all their worth!

Drug Makers: "Fuck this, we're going to India."

At my job recently, I've been researching certain pharmaceutical and biotechnology companies investments in emerging markets -- particularly Brazil, India and China -- and hot dog if these companies aren't licking their chops at the opportunities. Pricing pressures in the U.S. and Europe means that drug companies are going to increasingly rely on the exploding middle classes of BRIC countries to drive sales. Spending on drugs are going to double in emerging markets in the next five years, according to the New York Times - now that's a win/win for drug companies and B.Doyle. Oh yea, and for India.

Above: India and pharmaceutical companies, meeting for the first time. 

Needless, I'm going to walk to work with a little extra pep in my step tomorrow. Unless it's monsooning again...in that case I'll tell the rickshaw driver to sing that lil' Hindi diddy extra loud, for ol' B.Doyle. Fuck ya.

Coca-Cola: Fighting the Good Fight

As a follower of business, I'm a fan of Coca-Cola. Have been ever since freshman year of high school, when I wrote my World History final paper on why the invention of Coca-Cola was the most important development in human history.

So of course, I'm happy to hear that Coca-Cola is planning a fairly aggressive expansion of operations in my current homeland, according to the Wall Street Journal.

According to the article, Coca-Cola accounts for 60% of soft drink revenues in India, compared to PepsiCo's 37%. However, in my little slice of Mumbai, I've noticed it is much easier to find Pepsi products -- in particular "Mirinda," a tart little orange soda, and Pepsi itself -- then Coke. I've almost started to miss that classic red logo. And the actual drink. 'Cuz Pepsi blows.

Here's to you, Coca-Cola! Ignore Mayor Bloomberg and his Big Brother-esque soda policies...it's just you and me.

Frank Ocean...You Rule...

Frank Ocean...*sighhhhhhh* You first got my attention with Nostalgia, Ultra. More just the name and the mixtape cover...I wasn't really quite as much into the music at that point...but I could tell right away that you were a hip cat. Then I heard "Thinking About You." Arguably the theme song of senior year, my friend.

With "Channel Orange" -- currently everyone's go-to topic on Twitter -- it seems like you've really put yourself on the mainstream map. Or maybe I'm just overwhelmed by all the pre-album "coming-out-of-the-closet" buzz? A savvy move, to be sure...a decision that will surely move as many records as it has moved hearts.

Regardless, it's clear you're on your new-new with the album...this "Forrest Gump" song is my current shiznit.  I wouldn't have guessed I would ever like -- let alone love -- a song about man-on-man relationships. You are truly an innovator. Congratulations.

India in the News...That's a First...

The New York Times ran an interesting -- if incomplete -- timeline of India's modern economic history as told through magazine covers from the past 10 years. More accurately framed, this is a history of the mainstream media's coverage of India's booming decade.

Basically, according to this timeline, BusinessWeek first beguiled the general public with tales of a sexy, brown-skinned "vanguard of one of the biggest mind meld's in history," right before Wired warned everyone that these brilliant young computer whizzes were going to take our jobs...then a few more random stories about how great and liberal India was becoming...then a 2007 BusinessWeek piece about how India's horrible infrastructure and overpopulation may stunt growth...and going right up to The Economist's 2010 cover of a swiftly running tiger, representing India's potential outpacing of Chinese economic growth. Mee-yow, Economist!

The piece came on the heels of the Time cover labeling Indian Prime Minister Monmohan Singh "The Underachiever." A far cry from the October 27, 1947 cover of Time where Vishnu made her U.S. debut...or something....

Of all the publications, I have to say that the 2007 BusinessWeek article tells the story the best. That elephant on the cover is a pretty apt metaphor for India's growing pains...that poor, poor elephant. Yes, there is an awesome amount of entrepreneurship, rising education and general brilliance in India, but before they eclipse Silicon Valley they're going to need to fix some potholes. Literally. I can't count how many times I bump my head in the autorickshaw on the way to work.

Peering Over Poverty

Before I came to Mumbai, I knew I would see poverty. I just didn't know it would be shoved in my face so brazenly.

That's a photo my friend took of an impoverished lil' Mumbaikar peeking in our taxi window, begging for a spare rupee. Fortunately, I was warned multiple times as soon as I arrived: don't give money to beggars. The effect is apparently like that South Park episode where Stan Marsh is mobbed by homeless people after he gives a nickel to one vagabond.

The poverty I've seen here mainly manifests itself in the pollution and general lack of hygiene in certain neighborhoods -- adults relieving themselves in the streets, children walking around naked, cardboard shanty towns, etc. And I haven't even visited Dharavi, in northern Mumbai, where leopards from the nearby Sanjay Ghandi National Park apparently 'nom on village children regularly.

Mumbai also has a ton of opulence and "new money" as well, and I still haven't come to terms with my proximity to some truly horrible human living conditions. Will of course keep you all updated on this new-found humanitarianism as it develops. This whole "sympathy" thing is all new to me...

Tha Swiss Connection

On my flight to Mumbai, I had a two hour layover in Switzerland. They were two of the cleanest, most pleasant hours of my life. I indulged in some deliciously nutty authentic Swiss chocolate from an airport vendor, explored the sleek, somewhat Euro-hipster designed airport -- bathroom doors were constructed of polished metal -- and admired the view of the mountains from the airport bay windows. 

The flight over to Mumbai on Swiss Air was equally delightful -- the vegetarian pizza they served was top-notch, and even the seats in the economy-section were roomy and comfortable. 

So landing in Mumbai and stepping off the squeaky-clean Swiss Air jet into a wave of heat and curry smell was not the most desirable contrast.

Above: If I could live on that jet, I would.

Since my all-too-short time in Europe, I have vowed to go back there as soon as feasibly possible and plan a good ol' fashioned EuroTrip. For me, this is actually a fairly big step forward: before this year, I was truthfully baffled whenever someone listed "traveling" as one of their favorite hobbies. But it's amazing what two hours near the Swiss Alps can do to a person's psyche. 

However, before I experience Europe I still have pretty much every landmark in Mumbai alone to visit. Yeah, this past month hasn't quite brought me outside of a ten-mile radius. 

In the meantime, I've been watching this video to get me pumped up about traveling in general. WE NO SPEAK HINDI!

Monsoon Season!

The first time I heard the term "monsoon" was in the 1996 movie "Jumanji." Since then, I have associated monsoons with Robin Williams fighting crocodiles.

So when I learned that Mumbai was host to a four-month long monsoon season every year, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Would my flat be flooded frequently? Would I have to swim to work? Should I pack my heavy-duty crocodile-killin' machete just in case?

As it turns out, flats do get flooded frequently, and yes, getting to work may be impossible once in a while unless I have a canoe. So far the crocodiles don't seem likely, although giant rats are a common sight. Incidentally, however, Mumbai is experiencing a relatively dry monsoon season so far. I couldn't be happier to only have to face two or three short bursts of rain a day, but according to the Wall Street Journal, this is a problem for North Indian farmers who rely on the monsoon rains to help produce crop yields.

If I travel to North India (hopefully soon) then I may be able to get a better appreciation of the largely agricultural-dependent economies of that region. However, right now, it's hard not to be happy that I arrived here conveniently in one of the driest monsoon seasons in years.

Here's to dry monsoon seasons and no crocodiles!

Above: Me, in my living room last week. #mylifeisJumanji

Who the Hell Are The BuffNerds?

While surfing the Internet in January during Winter Break, as I was wont to do, I came upon this little gem of a music video by two intriguing artists, K.i.D. and Futuristic:

 The music was smooth and hip, yet avant-garde. RaP GaME Salvador Dali, if you will.

Since that time, my Youtube feed has provided me a steady stream of "BuffNerds" videos, and my final verdict is that these guys are next to blow. They're whole vibe is total West Coast cool -- the color-drenched videography, the loose rapping style, the names. My personal favorite of the crew is K.i.D., but you can watch this crew video below and decide for yourself.

Just remember: I was the first guy in India to put on for the 'Nerds.

Amurica! F*** Yeah!

Happy Independence Day, everyone! People at work today were giving me handshakes and backslaps in respect to the good ol' US of A. Even my comrades from Eastern Europe granted me the indulgence of slamming the table and shouting "America!" at lunch.  I also made a fool of myself when a Slovenian girl offered me cake, and I knowingly chuckled "Aaah, for Independence Day?" It was actually for her birthday.

But dammit, I won't apologize for my patriotism! Everyone shoot off some fireworks for me!

Indian Rupee at Seven-Week High; "The Amazing Spiderman" is Dubious; And Other News

This was a cray cray week; I saw "The Amazing Spiderman" in iMax 3D. That night was significant because it also marked my first time truly getting "caught" in an Indian monsoon. We were stuck for about an hour in a small Wadala back-alley market -- with no electricity -- as the streets got more and more flooded and the imposing Indian locals inched creepily close.

But perhaps even more important: the Indian rupee is rebounding! According to the Wall Street Journal, it reached a seven-week high against the U.S. dollar yesterday. Now if only if the dollar can sink below that 53.79 rupees mark, I can REALLY celebrate this Fourth of July!

Oh yeah, by the way, the Amazing Spiderman was WeakSauce Malloy. I'm pretty sure they just rummaged through Sam Raimi's office trashbin for the storyline. My good friend Hipster Spiderman would be ashamed.

Lana Del Rey Wins the Internet

Are you f***ing kidding me? A$AP Rocky as JFK?

The fact that these two young trendsetters wanted to work together is awesome enough, but even more heartening is that there is clearly something clicking here artistically. We all got a taste of it with this KickDrums-produced preview -- a song that neither camp has released in full -- but with this next-level music video, we see that Lana and A$AP together are greater then the sum of their parts.

Enjoy.

Lana Del Rey: Back to the Future

I generally don't consider myself to have worthwhile taste when it comes to slow-moving, epic-voiced female singers. My particular preferences seem to cultivate artists leaning towards the spectrum of "potentially insane ironic rhymespitters."

But recently, when the sun gets low and I start to think of the teenage years I never had (in 1950's Southern California, that is), nothing spaces me out better then some Lana Del Rey. Her whole style is like if the world's most hipster Tumblr account had a baby with Lady Gaga....so basically, I'm saying Lana's half-cyborg. YEA, she's that good.

Lana is to musical innovation what Steve Jobs was to technological innovation. Pure simplicity mixed with pure vision.

Enjoy. 

Suggest Unto Me Your Biographies

This blog just passed the venerable 50+ views mark. I'm going to ball-park that only 25 of those were me, so either my half-assed attempts at SEO maximization are working and forcing people to stumble upon "Of Bombay and B.Doyle," or there is a burgeoning market for content with regards to media critiques and avant garde gangsta hip-hop. 

So, let's interact: I need biographies to read. As previously mentioned, I just finished Neil Gabler's Walt Disney biography, and am currently in the midst of Walter Isaacson's Steve Jobs biography. Shoot me a suggestion of a biography about an epic personality or epoch-defining businessman, and I'll friend you on Facebook! Oh, the private pictures of mine you could view.

But seriously, biography suggestions. I wants them. Now. This Mumbai heat makes "epic" books the only kind worth sitting down and reading.

Above: Mickey Mouse, the product of a tortured, perfectionist soul, according to Neil Gabler.

Moody's: India "Stable"

How you like them apples, Standard and Poor? Moody's noted today that the lower growth trends as of late are "unlikely to become permanent or even mid-term features of the Indian economy."

This is of importance to B.Doyle for two reasons:
1) The rupee (and thus, my paycheck) may not be doomed after all, and...
2) These next 11 months in Mumbai may have some economic growth meaning for the ol' career, aside from that intangible "experience" factor.

Of course, I'm not letting my hopes and dreams simply ride on the verdicts of finicky ratings agencies. No, I'm  much more comforted by this Business Insider slideshow explaining "Why Everyone is Freaking Out About India." Madness, illuminated.

Grow, damn you, grow!

Content Innovation: If Disney Can Do It, DealBook Can Do It

I recently finished Neil Gabler's "Walt Disney: The Triumph of the American Imagination." Disney pushed a lot of innovation in his day, but one area where he was incomparable was his innovation of "content" -- his perfectionism for his film's storylines, character development and overall themes was unparalleled. He never compromised, and he never rested on his laurels.

Flash forward sixty years, circa the B.Doyle era: reading New York Times' "Dealbook" section -- which previously held a scintillating aura of New Media excellence, not to mention some damn good writing -- it strikes me that the whole section has become fairly boring. Everything about it -- the content, the dearth of videos, even the bush league "single-column" listing of articles -- gives me the impression that Andrew Ross Sorkin stopped trying to really push the site's envelope, maybe, eight months ago. And in a digital media age where there's still a wide-open playing field to prove true "excellence" in content delivery and style, absolutely no website should be resting on its laurels.

Aww, but maybe I'm just salty because I miss the inimitable Kevin Roose on my DealBook homepage. He's since moved onto greener (except not...) pastures at New York Magazine. And I'm probably in no position to take Mr. Sorkin to task, considering he's only about ten years older then me and has already written a generation-defining expose and, well, founded "DealBook."

Regardless, I would like to point to Business Insider as the Internet's premium example of a true content innovator. They combine Huffington Post's penchant for addictive lists and slideshows with a fair bit of trenchant insight and solid numerical analyses. And damn if the site doesn't know what I want to read -- take their slideshow of "The World's Hottest Billionaire Offspring." Now that's some good juice!

To conclude: Dealbook's gotten weak, Business Insider rocks, and the Internet has yet to see its "Walt Disney." Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some BI slideshows to peruse.

Sorkin: Less squawking, more Dealbook-ing, please!

Rupee Hits All Time Low...Morale at All Time High...

So the Indian rupee was in a hell of a free fall this week...as of a few hours ago, it hit yet another "all-time low" of 57.12 rupees to the American dollar. That's bad news for the millions of us who get our paychecks in rupees...and ostensibly even more demoralizing for the small minority of us who had the option of working for the good ol' American simoleon.

Thankfully, this unfortunate bit of news is the only annoyance I've had in an otherwise fantastic week. Every fellow worker I've encountered here is young, cosmopolitan, and educated. Case in point: on my team of seven analysts, at least three have MBA's, all are under the age of 30, all are well-paid, and all are extremely articulate on the unique economic and social challenges their country faces on the road to economic stability. Anecdotes may not speak as loud as statistics, but it's still hard to get down about a few inauspicious economic indicators when I see first hand the growth and excitement of business here. 


Worse comes to worse, I'll just start acting in Bollywood movies for some extra cash, maybe do some back-up dancing. I could show the guys below a meannn Harlem Shake...

The Illustrious Rhymesayers of the Ivory Towers

Smart, hard-working people make great music. Sometimes as great as any wild-haired, drug-addled artist -- not to say the two are mutually exclusive. It was true with Columbia-educated Rodgers and Hammerstein, with Yale-educated Cole Porter, and it's damn true now.

Case number one: Kinetics and One Love. Recently Cornell-graduated. Writers of such recent Billboard hits as "Airplanes" and "Strange Clouds," and composers of my personal favorite Lana Del Rey remix:

Case Number Two: Hoodie Allen. A 2010 UPenn Graduate who...not gonna lie...I was pretty damn skeptical about. But the dude has pretty much conquered the Internet, and hell if he doesn't make some catchy tunes. I'm not quite certain of the boundaries between Internet supremacy and "mainstream" supremacy anymore, but I'll just go ahead and say that this guy is as close to mainstream success as any former dorm-room rat of our generation. 

Case Number Three: Mike Posner. 2010 Duke graduate. Huge overachiever. Creator of J. Biebz' "Boyfriend," and great music in general. Innovator.

RaP GaMe TaYLoR SWiFT!

This is my kind of hip-hop...straight irony, no filler. I guess you could say the low-fi beat, melodramatic imagery and bold clash of personalities is some sort of commentary on modern young adulthood...probably...the apathetic materialism of young adulthood. But I really just like it for RiFF RAFF. Enjoy!

Speaking of New Media Mistakes...

Last Friday, I logged onto The Onion to get my weekly dose of fake news. After clicking on a headline -- I think it was "Capricious God Violently Shakes Ant Farm Day After Bestowing Orange Slices Upon Colony" -- I was greeted by a confusing, self-defeating notice:

"...If you enjoy our probing and analytical journalism and want full access, we ask that you support our hardworking reporters by purchasing a subscription for as low as $2.95/month or $29.95 a year."

Uhhhhhh.......pay for comedy? Online? And are they actually trying to make a joke by referring to "probing and analytical journalism," right before they name their price? Hardy-har-har, Onion.

Needless to say, these yucksters have lost a reader. It's probably for the best though; I was becoming increasingly weary of articles which were less and less hilarious and more and more, I donno, liberal. Like "Victim in Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck." As if we can all chuckle to ourselves knowing we share a mutual hate of Glenn Beck. Except I don't. Amurrica, mothaf***as!

Above: The Onion, in simpler, funnier times. RIP.

David Carr: "SMDH at the Huffington Post"

A particularly fatalistic-sounding David Carr penned this trenchant piece for his "Media Equation" column the other day, reporting on a recent launch party for The Huffington Post's tablet-based magazine. The column was chock-full of other media news from the week, such as Time Inc.'s deal to publish their stable of magazines on iPads -- giving Apple a hefty 30% commission in the process. And through it all, Carr -- who has a knack for existential aphorisms -- laments "the future is landing on the past with both boots."

"I've come to understand that it doesn't matter what I think is right or wrong, or what I think constitutes appropriate aggregation or great journalism. The market is as the market does." 

Quite a morose sentiment to be harboring in the midst of all this innovation. If that's the attitude of other Times newsmen, I certainly hope no one circulates CollegeHumor's "Honest New York Times Advertisement" around the office -- it's bound to make a few mustaches droop.

My issue is not with Carr's talent or profession -- as he is a master -- but with his taste. Why is it that creative and "disruptive" forces are so highly-valued in business, but so distrusted by content creators themselves? Old-media acolytes are a lot like "old school" hip-hop fans who refuse to acknowledge that 1994 is never coming back. If you stay listening to "Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)" and dismiss any non-"Golden Age" hip-hop, then you'll never experience the space-age cloud rap of A$AP Rocky. 

In case that metaphor didn't hit home for everyone, let me make my point straight: great things can be done in this new age of media. Innovative, visionary, exciting forms of story-telling not previously thought possible, and yes, even great journalism. There are scores of talented journalists proving this -- take Dealbook wizard Andrew Ross Sorkin. So with the launch of this Huffington Post magazine, I say, welcome the new baby, and quit lamenting the sick great-uncle.

Above: Me, in the background, staring forlornly at Ms. Huffington. One day, Arianna...

Am I Fancy?

My trusted friends at Complex recently introduced me to The Fancy...a sight that allows users to sift through a (seemingly) endless catalogue of tastefully exotic getaways, high-fashion shirts and ties, subtly ironic t-shirts (which are also ironically expensive), sexy-as-hell cars, and minimalist, functional gadgets. Basically, it's like Kanye West's wet dream (literally...he helped popularize it). Like Pinterest, but for the hipster crowd.

My biggest complaint so far is the uninspired "Your catalog" function that lets you look at everything you've "fancied." It's basically a list format...shouldn't there be some tool to make a fascinating hipster collage of everything sartorial and artistic that a user fancies? This aside, I spent a not-insignificant amount of time this morning "fancying" items, and balking at various price tags (the site gives you links to buy most items as well).  Window shopping for beach houses and desert boots at the same damn time? What an age we live in!

"Hey, wanna hear me rap?"

In high school, I was friends with Avery Capizzi, a rapper whose claims of connections to hip-hop superstars occasionally earned him derision -- though he was bolstered by, at times, shockingly good music. Early in senior year, he began asking fellow Yorktown High School seniors to rap on his upcoming mixtape. Though many ridiculed the offer, a fair number took the opportunity to transfer our love of hip-hop to an actual product. The result -- the 703 Mixtape Vol. 1 -- was fairly professionally mixed, well-structured, and featured a smattering of awkwardly self-confident suburban teenagers spitting bars alongside a few DC rap middleweights. The response was primarily positive -- enough to spawn a sequel.

Personally, the concept of rapping excited me enough to continue in college. For friends, fraternity brothers and family, my rapping usually incited curiosity, occasionally ridicule, but eventually, accolades and encouragement. Ironically, that encouragement came right as I decided to quit. They don't love you till you're gone I guess.

It took me a while to reconcile my love -- and ability -- of rapping with the other facets of my life: school, interest in media/finance, normal friends who don't rap, etc. Considering I officially "quit," I guess you can say I never actually did figure out where to configure rap. However, as long as there are vocal-less instrumentals in this world, and small apartment parties, I will continue to approach comely females and impress them with a few well-chosen bars. How else will I keep the skill alive? Enjoy a sample below.

"Fuck this, I'm going to India"

When I began applying for jobs in September, just about every day the New York Times was running a bleeding-heart op-ed or sanctimonious report on the general malaise in the job market. That didn't seem to stop the vast majority of my friends from landing cushy jobs in the financial services/engineering/general numbers sectors (go Big Data). As for me...I applied for a Business Analyst position in a very large, very well-regarded conglomerate that would place me in India, and spent the next six months in HR limbo. I finally landed the position in April, right as I was REALLY starting to get anxious.

Below: Me, circa April 3 2012, in between applying for more jobs, studying, and right before I received the coveted "Offer."

The chance to work in Mumbai -- which I only recently discovered was synonymous with Bombay -- sounded pretty damn sexy. Palm trees...Indian women...the excitement and growth of a BRIC economy. I would be an international businessman. Nevermind that I would be working on a salary that would just allow me to scoot by, or that I would technically be an "intern." Or that my assigned department -- Life Sciences -- had very little to do with my background, expertise or even interests. After some deliberation and guidance from older, wiser career men and women, I seized the opportunity and didn't think twice.

From a pragmatic perspective, there were two clear advantages I saw to leaving the country for my first job:

1) International experience is crucial in all areas of business, and will only become more so in coming decades.

2) India -- despite what haters in the S&P say -- is an economic bottle rocket, and the opportunities for growth and entrepreneurship here are unparalleled.

Plus, I figured it'd be a good idea to give the American business waters a bit of time to cool off before dipping my toe in. We'll see if my decision pays off -- personally or professionally. But until then, I'll be sitting in my Mumbai flat with this look on my face:

Settling for Less: The Story of My Blog

This was supposed to be a Drupal account -- allowing for fast growth, if necessary -- until it dawned on me that a sleek, powerful service like Drupal costs money. Figuring this wasn't a good investment (yet...*snark snark*), I opted for Wordpress, before instantly becoming bored with the installation process (I just didn't have five minutes to spare) and resolving that I might as well complete Google's ownership of my online persona and sign up for Blogger.

Regardless, I'm happy to be on this platform -- where I'll share space with some of the web's premier baby photo, hospital recovery and Caribbean vacation web diaries.

Hah! I kid! Did you know "The Sartorialist" is hosted on Blogger? In a week chock full of surprises, that ranks as one of the biggest.

Leading into my main point: greetings from Mumbai, everyone! I hope to update this blog regularly with musings on the city, expat experiences, international business life, and more. You may even get some photos courtesy of my Blackberry...so you have a lot to look forward to, don't you? Yes. 

Feel free to follow me on Twitter -- currently seldom used. 

For those who don't know me, the above character sketch should provide a rough approximation of my personality and general mien...at least while writing this blog. Till next time everyone!